Men often suffer in silence. There is always hope. There is always help. Shamanic healing and reiki were an incredible combination for me as a survivor myself. They helped me learn how to let my body release what it held, they helped me learn to have a new perspective on myself, and my experience, but most importantly, to bring back the power, not the trauma.
For years I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I felt disconnected. I describe it now as feeling like I was visiting in my own body. I hadn’t really moved in. No matter how happy I should have been, I was constantly battling with a heaviness, I call it “the dark backpack”. I knew it was there. I just didn’t really want to look at what was inside. I knew it was bad. I knew it was painful, I knew it might break me apart. So I carried it, for a long time. Until a time when it was as if I exploded my own life. I got fired. My relationship ended. I was left sitting wondering what happened. It was then that I realized I’d spent a really long time protecting people I shouldn’t have, doing things to make other people comfortable, pretending everything was fine. I was always disruptive. I always had an escape plan. It took a lot of work to unravel all of the reasons why. It was hard, at times it was excruciating, but I was ready. I wanted to be able to enjoy life. Without self medicating, without being so uncomfortable, without the suicidal thoughts. I wanted to know what it would be like, what if it never happened? What would I be like? How would I feel? Who would I be? So, I committed. I was ready but through the combination of healing modalities, I felt a lot better fast. Because abuse, is primarily about power. It’s power theft. When an adult touches a child, they start long before that, they are expert planners, schemers, and plotters. I never had a chance.But as an adult, I did. And well into my thirties, I’d had enough of glossing over it. It was time to lean in. I don’t think about suicide anymore. I haven’t had one moment in the last 4 years where that has crossed my mind. I haven’t had a drink in 2 and a half years. Things changed. They can change.
You can get better. You can move forward. You can heal. You can put the dark backpack down, and you can find the one you had before you started carrying the heavy one. Shamanic healing is about restoration of power. Authentic power. Your own unique brand of power. We all have one. As a survivor, I can say, the kind of power we have, and the kind of light we have the capacity for, is EXACTLY why I work with survivors. Men. Women. None of us are immune. It happens to boys and girls. And I promise you whatever you may feel was taken from you, your little self. You deserve to have them back.
“Chester Bennington’s life may help male sex abuse victims speak up” #survivorsunite
