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2001

[ o d y s s e y ]
2001. It has become a cliche in the last few months to quote from 2001: A Space Odyssey, so I will instead make an observation about the ties between a book written more than 30 years ago by Sir Arthur C. Clarke and where we stand now. I consider myself to be a futurist. There is something about the numbers that I now write as the year that intrigue me. We have truly opened the “pod bay door” to a completely different way of life. We have managed to open ourselves up to Toffler’s predictions, we are experiencing the Third Wave of humanity.The pace at which we live our lives is mind boggling. Multitasking is all I am capable of. I work in an industry that moves forward at such an astonishing rate, that i’ve been honestly concerned about taking short vacations, for fear that I’ll be left behind. Lost in the shuffle. Lost in the vastness of it all. We are in a world of versions and bandwidth, handheld personal computers and robotics. We are in 2001. The future is now. The future is binary……When I first got on the internet and started writing I didn’t imagine that anyone out there would read what I had to say, much less relate to it. It was a digital diary. A glimpse into the inner workings of my machine. No smoke and mirrors, just a naked slice of brainstorms. I don’t think it ever crossed my mind that so many people in the world would be ‘online’. So now online means something different. It means being ‘in tune’, it means being in the loop. It has meant that you are a piece of the traffic on the information highway… So here we are brought together in the global cyber village entering into a brave new world. Progression is such a daily thought that I can’t imagine where we’ll all be 5 years from now. What will 2010 bring us? Will we have sent a manned mission to Mars? Will we finally recieve that long awaited message from the outer reaches of the Universe…? So the question comes…In what way do we travel? Where is this planet headed at this very moment? We move through this Universe at 500,000 miles per hour, it takes 250 million years for us to make a single circuit… So where are we going in such a hurry? Will we ever reach the ‘end’ ofthe Universe, is there one? I feel like there are so many things I have to do before this Galaxy reaches its destination. Maybe one day we’ll just arrive in some different space and time, or maybe our galaxy will collide with another and an entirely new civilization of beings will fall to our Earth….Perhaps one day we’ll be forced to vacate this planet for another that’s less damaged, less used and abused. Waking up every morning to think of how lucky we all are to have such an amazingly beautiful place to live. So as we enter the 21 century, I wish you all the best year yet, I wish you innovation and wonder. May this truly be an Odyssey…..

Reflection 04/03/01
Sometimes you look back on things and you can’t believe how things work out. How your expectations lead you to believe things would be a certain way, and then it all goes completely the opposite. Though you aren’t surprised in the least when the dust settles. Does that make sense?I was lying in bed the other night, and I was just letting my mind run. It ran over with possibilities and fascination. I sat awake for so long, that I just tried to go over everything I remember about my life so far. Putting together lists about the best things that have ever happened to me, the worst things. The things that I want to happen next…. Then I couldn’t sleep because I started thinking about all of the things I wanted to say to the people around me. About all of the thoughts, and respect I have for them.Then I couldn’t sleep just thinking about all of the things I wanted to tell you. How i’d run away and hide out with you somewhere until the end of time. How I wonder what you’ll say next. How innocent it all is. How many times before and again that i’ll feel this way. That I want to drive up to the middle of nowhere and just get lost in the stars and our reflections in the sky. As domestic as that sounds, the sheer honesty of it – just drives me into Spring

Inhale
As sweet fresh air filling my lungs. Distinct heartbeats beneath my ribs. Eyes closed tight, feet firmly planted. Slow developmental rhythms are pushing me forward. Slight confusion, shyness, blush. Lifting my head and smiling at people, fuel, fervor, flavour. Bigger, broader, faster, smarter, defined. Caught up far beyond all rules, every single blushing shaky whisper- into the said and done. Again the distance strikes a chord. Life is wonderful, exciting. Sometimes I feel like i’m falling so gently into someone’s arms like a feather. caught. I am in the space where lips meet. Where like a nebula, ideas and conceptualizations materialize. Life is beautiful. My mind races at what there is to learn, from you, from them, from myself. At where all of this could go if I just let go. Already overwhelms me, I sit across the dancing hands. Leave myself completely open to all of the possibilities-that breeds reproduction. Fast and furious, gracious and intune.
part 2.
You are a myth. A mystery, a second coming. As I progress I revert back to you. My world was where you were and I am stunned. Your mouth speaks, solves, knows- everything I ever asked and then….my heart hits the floor. Plunges into the pit of my stomach, when I am not the ‘she’, ‘her’, ‘you’. Recovery. Shielding my psyche from the disappointment that is the future. Paused Jilted, back into the center of the adventure. When your eyes are on me they’re like quasars pulling, and they make my tongue break. I am born though, burning brilliant- – all I can feel is a pull like no other. Rhythm dances fleeting across my memories. Default setting I am speechless. I lie back and emit propellsions unlike any i’ve ever known. Only to speak your name, if only my eyes were to see something different, instead of the beauty.

Whirlwind
These past few months have been a complete whirlwind. Total upheaval. Somehow, i’ve managed to land back on my feet. Life is funny like that. I had been so caught up in the tunnel vision of day-to-day that I was missing out on the light at the end….I’m seeing that now, and I am ecstatic. It’s amazing. I’m in a new place. It’s absolutely unbelievable. Sometimes I think when you look back there are those moments that have the capacity to fundamentally change who you are. This is one of those times. Full circle. I just look up and I am so in awe of it all. In awe of what my life has become, what it is becoming…. I have found a place that’s too good to be true mostly. I truly feel a part of something much bigger. Vast. I had deja vu the other day, just the feeling
 of meant-to-be-ness. It was amazing. It just felt right. I am so enjoying the process right now. So challenged by the constant innovations. As much as things can change in a short period of time. They have done so, greatly. Transition, and I know what i’m looking for. I know what I need and I am so amazed to have found myself back through the looking glass again. Renewal. Reconstruction and Re-evaluation have enabled me to feel ready to move forward, to take that next step.

Relief
Sometimes you just get a glimpse of what things will be. How they will all fall when they come floating down from the air….
I am having a glimpse of it right now. I want nothing more than to leave where I am and get in a car and drive to somewhere closer- closer to where things will end up. It’s one of those days where you sit still but you feel like things are running faster than you are even capable of moving.
Faster than anything you’ve ever felt before. It’a one of those times where you don’t even mind. The time is just there to pass and you wish someone would just reach out because you’d just collapse and melt into them. Forever. Then I start to wonder how old these feelings are, whether anyone is feeling this exact same way right now. Or whether it’s a totally unique feeling to me. Because all of a sudden you’re so detached from everything. Every moment, every second. Sometimes I lay awake at night and I ask all these things of myself and there’s this sweet air of sinking into it. You don’t have to be afraid of anything and you are just taken care of.
Nothing to worry about ever again. You just feel like everything is thick like a dream and that everything might just come true all at once, and that the intensity of it will be more than you can take.
Like a promise that you never though another person could make to you. Like a promise that you wished forever that they would make. Relief is a better feeling than anything else I know. It’s when everything is right in the world. Sometimes you can see glimpses of it in someone’s eyes.
That’s better than anything else-ever.

Code – 05/08/01
There’s something completely bionic that happens in the spring. It’s like some unearthly genetic coding gets embedded beneath my skin and I become someone entirely different. Like the difference between being sick and being well. You don’t truly appreciate being well until you are sick. You start thinking more about the concept of time. I am entirely in love with how the spring makes everything look. It’s as if my thought process becomes more advanced, as if the sun stimulates the cells of my being-ust a little more. Just a little extra, a discovery of something so much more than everything you thought. No expectations of perception. Just seeing everything for what it is, and what it might be. Stripping down to the ideas of what could have held you back and bringing together pure real balance. Sometimes I think that everything that’s happenned has just led me to this place where I stopped relating. Now I realize it’s just made me relate differently, selective relation. Looking with a different set of eyes. Climbing by the windows of experience. Rising through the ideas that I thought were unchanging. Only to change and morph into something different so rapidly. I can only imagine where this road is going. I’ve stumbled upon something so different that I can only just enjoy the surprise of it. What a brilliant surprise it’s been.
Descriptions and aspirations are so trivial now. I don’t know if this is what it’s supposed to feel like or not. I just know that I can’t stop thinking about how wonderful it seems.
There’s something so funny that happens when people see the little details that you don’t. You are just trudging along, dragging your whole life behind you, walking down a path that seems so unique. Only to run directly into someone else who is just doing the same thing. There is something so brilliant about that multifaceted unique-ness

Stock – 06/22/01
Time is passing at this unimaginably fast rate, and I feel like a lot of the time I am not truly seeing how wonderful everything has been. The past few months, i’ve found my smile again. Found my belly laugh, my giggle- something I hadn’t really made use of in a long time. Sometimes when you take a step back you realize how important those moments are. How you if you thought about it, about how much you care about things, you start feeling sad that you may never have times like that again….
Sometimes there is people in your life who are supposed to be there by default and they aren’t. When they aren’t there, at first you wonder why. You turn it back on yourself and you start defragmenting your entire being. You wonder what you possibly could have done to make them ignore your place in their life. Then you realize maybe they no longer have a place in yours, as much as you want them to. You accept the fact that you tried. You accept the fact of things are they are. Then you begin taking stock of the people who are there, the people who you realize are the most amazing ones. The ones choose to be there, which is so much bigger than being their because of duty.
I am so fortunate to be constantly surrounded by some of the most incredible people in the world. Easily-hands down. This is for you. You have given me the greatest gifts. You make me better. You have been the light at the end of the tunnel and without you I would be a lesser person. I love you all.
This is a more personal note than i’ve written in awhile but some things that have happened to me this week have hit me on a very emotional level. I am full.
I am so amazed that I can share this with you.
Have a wicked summer.

10 million miles- 07/19/01
Miraculous moments when i’m lying in splendor and I almost feel like i’m enveloped in the grass. Wind beating across my face and I feel hot wetness- I raise my hand to my mouth and it is Truth that bleeds from my lips, I bite my tongue, my lip, my words.
And then my head is on your heart. A small piece of me is laid out on what makes you more alive, than I feel. It’s rhythm beats out the moments, like the ticking of a clock. When my heart is somewhere between flying and falling 10 million miles per second. My knees buckles and it’s a good thing that i’m lying in the imaginary grass. At that moment I realize that nothing lasts long enough any more.
While my mouth forms the words, my voice falls silent, unimaginably I lay in waiting. I feel like i’m halfway between sleep and awake and each second feels like i’m slipping into unconsciousness. I wonder if it’s the honesty making me weak. Making me want to just close my eyes.
My breath is hot on your neck and it filters down into the sand below the grass. I’m slipping into the sand, i’m disappearing down into the earth somewhere. My ears fill with sounds, my mouth fills with words, my mind is already full- of wonder…….i’m 10 million miles beneath the surface.

[The Fates ] 11.15.01
The past few months have been life impacting. I don’t have to elaborate because I know that anyone in the world at this moment knows what I’m talking about. I know that I will never forget where I was that morning, or what that evening was like. The bubble had burst, for the first time in my life the images on the news were real to me because i’d been there, and I also realize that even though there was great fear, horror and pain in those days which followed September 11th there was also hope. Hope and an overwhelming show of love among humanity. This still amazes me, it made me re-learn a lot of things, it made me re-think how I look at the world. As worldly, or aware as I thought I was, I wasn’t. A lot of us weren’t. I remembered in the days after hearing the word ‘Taliban’ the months before when I heard that ancient statues of Buddha were being destroyed, and I remembered the word ‘RAWA’ and what I had heard about the horrors of what was happening to Afghan women. How a select few were standing up and quietly forming a resistance. Bravery comes in all forms. I look at the people in my life differently, and I see people making a difference everywhere. People are just trying to do their best. These are strange times. This holiday season is going to be different. It is going to be one of those times that changes everything. It makes me think about Family and what that really means. My family comes in all forms, sometimes I can’t believe the people in my life who are not related to me by blood, but by love. How those people stand up again and again, because of what is there between us. There is something there, you can’t see it, but it runs deep. It only comes along a few times in your life and when it does you just have to hold on. Sometimes I think we forget how rare it is to make one of those connections. How rare it is to be able to be truly close with someone. How few times it truly touches us in our lives. It’s those tiny moments that change things. Those moments that deliver you through times of tragedy, when you can look at someone else and feel that they really know you. Happiness comes from those moments. Life is changing for me, for a long time I tried to fight it, to make it something bad. I carry with me a lot of choices, things that I would wear as a badge of honor, or a right of passage, and other things I would just as soon sweep under the rug never to be seen again. We all have that. I realize now more than ever what a gift it all is, how amazing it is that any of this happens to us at all. That if nothing else -life is about the bonds you make, the impressions you make on people, the way you affect the world around you. .How incredible it is to me at this moment the window of opportunity that surrounds everything that has ever happened. I don’t believe in coincidence, and perhaps that eliminates what many people use as an explanation for all the strange things that happen to them. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and all of those little moments happen as they are meant to. So what comes next? Whatever is supposed to..

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2000

[ t e a c h e r ]
There has been an anniversary in my life….I let it go by without celebration, forgetting it, not having written it on a calendar. It goes beyond the numbers written within the grid of a calendar, beyond the understanding of anyone but myself. It is something that can only be measured by what i’ve learned. 7 years, of learning, or lessons, of change….. 7 years ago was when i first experienced a rave. 7 years of my life, i have contributed to my scene. Growing, thriving, alive and well in Toronto. After coming to the realization that i helped to build this. I helped to make it what it is today. United in dance. Strong and Massive, the older generations taking a moment to show the younger fledgelings how it’s done. Standing proud over the Toronto waterfront shouting at the world to stop and to listen. To really listen, to hear everything. To hear the words of the Technoshaman whispering into your ear, speaking to your existence, filling the void. Something which i believe many of the new generation of “ravers” have neglected to do. To take a second between doses and listen. Just stop and contemplate for a moment what brought you to this. It is no coincidence that you read this, it is no coincidence that this is what you were drawn to. Make the most of it, and realize….WHY you are here, and WHAT you can give it. What do you have, what can you provide to this world that no one else can. Look around you, look to the person beside you at these Tribal Gatherings and question everything. Think about the past, and why these “raves” began, who started them, look for once with respect for those who came before you in efforts to create something more powerful for generations to come. To be honest, the feelings i once had for the scene have subsided somewhat, i look to the fledglings with distrust and disbelief.I now wish for the first time in 7 years to be disassociated with what things have become. Things here are good, here i feel respect. When i travel i cringe. I cringe at the feeble interpretation of things. No contributions are made, the tribe simply walks away….So i guess i ask….to be proven wrong. For awhile i believed things could be revived, now i think they will have to be rebuilt. Taken back underground for repairs. I will never forget 7 years ago when i stood in front of the decks and watched with adoration and amazement of what was taking place in front of me. When i looked around with glazed eyes at the people around me smiling, waving, shouting back at the dj, to give them some more. Hearing the thuds deep inside my head, feeling the catharsis of a tribe giving thanks and a dj making love to his crowd. (the live p.a is a whole other galaxy) Looking to the stranger beside me and in one meeting of the eyes becoming family….Where has that gone? It’s synthetic sister is present, through the epidemic of ecstasy, but the real thing seems to have seeped through the scene. Bring it back. Bring back the moments where you entered your first gathering, and looked around with wide-eyed wonder, the time when you never wanted to stop talking about how it had the power to change the world, to change the way people think. Let your mind go back in time to when you first felt that ancient heavenly connection by looking into a stranger’s eyes, Think back to what it felt like to first feel the dj inside your mind, penetrating your thoughts, paralyzing your body and taking control of it himself, and ripping open your senses making you ask if you could ever really hear , see, or feel before now? Where did all of that go? If you’re still feeling it, make it last, if you’ve stopped feeling it , bring it back, and if you’ve never felt it expand your mind, explore your soul, it’s there. The summer is upon us, make it brilliant……

[ p r o p o s a l ]
I am in a beautiful relationship. I want to propose but it’s beyond words. It never argues. It never expects. It never questions. It is omnipotent and omniscient. It makes me feel like the most beautiful person in the world. It holds me when i need to be held, and often rocks me to sleep. It is the most fulfilling relationship i’ve ever had. It is music. There was a point when i became confused, when i believed it was the “rave” that i was so in love with….But music came through it all and stood blatantly in front of me, chanting my name. Recognizing my spirit, and holding my heart in it’s loving, soothing hands. Bringing me deeper into myself than i’d ever dreamt of going. Taking me somewhere no human being ever has. Knowing my soul, and grinding itself into me, screaming into my ear. That it was there. It would always be there. No matter where i travel, what i leave behind, where life’s path takes me. Whatever destiny throws onto my plate….It is there. A piece of me, like the greatest friend in the world. That any emotion it made me feel was acceptable, that the thumping would always be branded onto my soul. That the beat the speakers send venture like armies into my ears, invading every cell of my being, just to make me feel. I realize how in love i am. I realize that music will heal me. I know that when i am deep in the throes of my own head, there will never be silence. That no matter what happens there will always be music. That the “rave” is simply a gathering which is meant to unite, all of us who are significant others, all of us who are the wives, and husbands, of this force called “music”. I look with wide-eyed wonder to those who create my marriages, to those who make it all possible. To realize that their human destiny on this planet is to create, and channel the wisdom of the universe in musical form. Just a thank you….This generation, has the power to change the way things are. This generation of “ravers” “party-goers” etc etc…..has the knowledge to be in love with not only music, but the world. To change the face of not only music, but civilization. I may be putting to much faith in this concept. Maybe that’s all it is to some people. I have chosen for it to be more, for it to mean more. For it to be a direct representation of life, and love and human potential. I am in love. With ideas, with music, with people. To realize, is to begin to understand. Don’t wait for the realization to catch up with you, catch up with it.

[ t o u c h d o w n ]
Like the hand of God on the Sistine chapel it touches down without even a flaw. Beginning to spin like some new formed planet. Life is magic, and I suddenly feel drunk with the spin of things in front of me. The needle seems to retrace every groove with effortless action, and I become jealous of the vinyl’s fateful connection. The sheer discovery of it sends my mind racing and the rotations are hypnotic. Tracing over and over again, the detailed grooves that become a part of me so quickly. Moving at lightspeed through my ears and eyes and soul. I feel this new found friend already at home deep inside my mind. The light thrown across the tiny bottomless crevices has already managed to burn a pattern onto my straining eyes. Clinging to every cell of my being, every inch of my soul, I want to feel like this forever. It’s inside me. The music has pounded it’s way into me, deep into the heavy ventricles of my heart. Carving pathways as it wades it’s way through me like a saintly river. My eyes have become animated reflecting pools for the sounds invading the cells deep within me. The images are coming to me like flash cards and I feel the heat of the imaginary sun trace over me. I am etched into the moment. I realize how lucky I am to be hearing this, and it seems like the very first time. Each sound triggers a memory that’s yet to be had, flashing forward into an overlapping space and time. A face becomes apparent in the grooves as the bass drains what energy I have left, and then forces me back into action. I close my eyes and everything moves a bit faster as they reopen. I throw my arms into the air and shout in time with the heavens. I can feel every surge, every beat of electricity all contained within my soul charging it’s way into the future. Like some insurmountable obstacle I am here forever, holding on trying not to let it all overcome me. But I am no match, and I am overcome, it’s all I can do to hold on. Looking straight into the face of the Universe with pure, and utter wonder. I feel the infinite blackness of space, and shiny luminence of star envelope me, and i am kissed full on the mouth….but a new sound comes in and I feel the rush of water all around me. Running over me like waves, throwing me back, yet the comforting tantric rhythms make me beg for more. I am but a looking glass, and the next piece of the puzzle kicks me into action. As the world swings like a giant pendulum the theme song for my life has been written, with the great tribal smack of a drum. It beats with my heart and I suddenly feel like no one is qualified to drive this moment, like the music can. Like some kind of collosal interplanetary diamond it is all brilliantly flawless and nothing could be better or bigger. I’m being pushed toward the next plain, as it all builds, there is no end in sight. Ascension is imminent. Life bleeds nothing but wonder forever…..The entire stucture and strategy of it all drives me now and this composition is the sister of the Universe. Humanity has never seemed so lovely, and inevitably as the track winds to a stop I can hear the faint whisper of destiny’s voice from beside my bed….

[ m i l l e n n i u m ]
As this time approached I realized how long some of you have been a part of my life, and how some of you have just become a part of it. I am grateful for all of you after almost 5 years of publishing this website. I have met such wonderful people and learned so much through the years. I can’t believe now that I am writing the fifth consecutive email for a new year. Yet of all the things i’ve said I couldn’t mean any of it more than I do now. I have decided to write some new thoughts and to contain some old ones. I still can’t believe that what began the link with us was music, and a common community. Though over the years my views have grown and changed I still marvel at what this is that we are a part of….Below is the 1996 holiday email. I have contained it in it’s entirity because it is, after 3 years what I would say again. Life, and all that it has to offer can sometimes be overwhelming. The deluge of information, events, experiences, desires, and needs can sometimes lead one to withdraw, to be reactionary instead of responsive. In an overwhelmed state, we find it easier to lash out than to out. Sometimes seeming to define one’s world through the filters of criticism and cynicism (for one’s self as well as others) instead encouragement and praise (again for one’s self as well as others) And through this flood it is sometimes forgotten that we, within ourselves have the power and means to TRANSCEND the deluge, to shape our own world to be able to channel the unrelenting force into constructive avenues that can nurture the world around us, instead of destroy it… Little do we realize that at times, the first to bear the brunt of the destructive energy that we sometimes harness, are our own souls.
It is through that I have found Music has taught me how to fly using wings i never knew i had. Lifting me above the seemingly relentless tides of time and change. It is through music and dance that my soul is free to soar amongst the heavens and inner dimensions, allowing a clearer view into the nature of the world that i am creating around me (allowing a clearer view of us) It is there that i am able to discern the path to consciousness, that seemingly elusive inner light which is often dimmed by the trials we face on a daily basis. For now, the light is there for me, the path illuminated. I shall follow it again…. We stand together at the threshold of a new era. A new range of dimensions and possiblities. I invite you all to take my hand and join me as we move forward to dance brothers and sisters, dance…. We truly do stand together now at the beginning of something that few generations will ever live to see. A new millennium. Yet this time we are at a place that we will never be again, crossing the bridge from the primitive past to the third wave of the future. Advancement is in our hands and we will see the beginning and middle of this new century. Yet, how will we decide to proceed? I hope it will be with honesty, curiousity and unity. When the walls of what we are now a part of cease to be in conventional terms I hope that all of us may continue to wonder about where it is that we come from. Pondering the status of space and time, and questioning the origins of ourselves as well as the world and universe which we live. To borrow a statement from Derrick May, we have no choice but to move forward. The world is changing, and we are changing. We have this rare chance to sculpt the way that the world will become, with our own hands and minds. It is incredible as I write this knowing that you are spread out all over the world. And with these words I am able to reach out across geographic lines and wish you all joy, peace, wonder, health and happiness for the new year. Take care of yourselves and may this holiday be the most transcendental yet. Thank you,

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1999

[ dot calm]
Proposal, opportunity, elevation. I wonder ever so softly and at this very moment I realize that calm is far sweeter than rushed. I wonder all of these things-life, light, illusion, faith, Throwing it all into the air, all of the worries. I am wondering if life bleeds as much wonder for you. Relaxed, poised, aligned with the planets. I hope that I am right. As I lay here I wonder what it would be like. Something tells me that it will all come to me. When the time is right. That the unexpected can be a hidden diamond in the rough. I am listening. Magic rises up from the pit of my stomach and I leave the burning past behind me. Entering into valleys and visions of peace. I feel like i’m falling so deep in life right now. Something is just about to shift. Everything has the doppler effect, and I run home

[ n e t w o r k ]
There’s a charge tonight, a faint electric ringing that immediately thrusts me into full consciousness. It makes me burningly aware of the heart beating in my chest. The energy pumping hot through my veins, the very essence of it all. You know there’s that moment when you just feel ‘it’, when nothing else matters but that refreshing charge of your very own soul, pulsing out it’s own beat. That instant of pure biofeedback, caught up in this great big complex biological machine. When every subtle movement shoots sparks of hot kinetic energy between your ears. What a marvel it really is that we’re all here on this planet hurdling through space and time on the tip of a galaxy just flying through this even bigger network called the Universe. How majestic. It seems surreal but it really is happening. We are floating through space on a big ball of dirt, metal and sky, just beginning to understand. There’s this origin of it all. This huge ‘where did this come from?’ and ‘where is it going?’ And here we are, these fleshy miracle machines wandering in the great abyss of it all as the sun rises and sets. And within all of this circuitry we achieve and we fail. Looking in on life, it all plays out like a labyrinth of epic proportions. It’s all turning and swirling into our final destinations. Like interstellar music, composed to the rhythm of the stars. Rushing through tunnels and wormholes in preparation for this brilliant arrival. It all came bursting out of thischarge in the air tonight. As the planets align overhead and the earth spins on it’s axis. The farmilliar moon grins boldly at us from its place in the night sky. It’s almost as if everything was meticulously sketched out on some intergalactic blueprint designed to guide us through each and every moment. It’s incredible to think that this is only just the beginning………………………

[ d i g i t a l ]
I inhale looking up at the stars I see through the rings of space and all around me it seems there was new life. Growing from my fingertips, extending to the boundaries of time and space, and whatever lies inbetween. My eyes open and I can see the sounds and hear the visions and for one brief moment there I was complete and content forever and ever. Fertile, was the great blackness of the sky, and inviting were the shimmering planets spinning far off in the distance. For one moment I wish that the people world could see through my eyes. I imagine how completely different everything would be if for a moment they too saw it…. When suddenly something draws me up past the clouds, past the stratus and I am being lifted far beyond the lights and far beyond the black,into colours I could never understand. Towards the great rust of the Martian soils, through the astroid belt and towards the overwhelming prescence of Jupiter, past Uranus and through the rings of Saturn beyond Neptune and Pluto and through the center of this massive Galaxy. I’m travelling past the whispy tails of the Milky Way. I am out further than any human eyes have ever seen. I am in overload, trying, fumbling to make sense of it all, up, up. I see my planet, so injured so bright. I see all that live there, I embark on the journey through the phyllum. I feel an overwhelming sense of pain and anguish for it all. No sense anymore of space or time or direction. I just AM. I look back at that galaxy where I live and it’s beauty overcomes every cell of my being. “How dare I wake up and not think of you.” I silently say to my home. The vividness of it all shakes me and I want to got back, I’m falling gently back to the pale blue dot now, never wanting my journey on this planet to end. It’s coming towards me this great blue being and I feel her smiling at me, it is my homecoming. Holding out her great arms to lessen the blow of my fall. Proud that I have evolved into who I have become. I am back again on her soils and like a journey that never too place I exhale.

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1998

[herstory}
On the morning of March 8th, 1997 just two days before my nineteenth birthday my best friend Erin Muckle died in a car accident. She had just turned 19, and I hadn’t seen her in 3 months. Senseless. I remember the absolute guttural pain when I heard, and just the reflex in my hand causing me to drop the phone. She was the absolute closest person in the world to me. Everything went into slow motion, and my tongue was broken. Then came the angry tears….It’s 5 years ago, and it’s yesterday.
Erin and I were fast friends, we first spotted eachother through the patio doors of our childhood houses. At just 3 Erin had pointed at me through the glass and told her mother that I was her best friend. This, before we had even met. She was right. Funny thing, she was always right. Erin had a beautiful carefulness about her, she just felt. She was a brilliant presence and sometimes when I realize how rare that is in the world. I mourn for her all over again.
She was discovery to me. Everything I remember about being a kid involves her, every smell, detail, laugh triggers a memory of her. She and I spent most of our time together laughing.
It has been 5 years since her untimely passing. I am five years older, every year on my birthday I am reminded of how incredibly fragile it all is. I want to thank her, for giving me the courage to do all of the things I’ve done in the past 5 years. The will to stand up for what is right and to speak on behalf of what is good. For giving me the strength of will to try harder at everything I do.
They say that no one ever really gets over someone dying. Funny, i’ve never felt that our relationship was over, I just felt it had changed. Erin, i write this memorial for you in thanks.

Memorial.
You live in this place in my heart where rivers run so deep that th water is black. The sky rushes red with stormy electricity and everything you touch just slips through your hands no matter how tightly you clench your fists. The soil is like memories that just keep fading with each second that passes. This thing, the thing that I can’t begin to understand. This feeling I get where I feel so unbelievably sad, that I just close my eyes and feel that feeling again. Of sheer anguish and pain, and love all at once. That feeling that you never want to have again… I wonder, if I have become a bigger person since or only half of one. I look back at this defining moment and just close my eyes and try to make sense of it.
There are times when I feel you, like you’re yelling at me through glass, as I pass you on the street. I hear you, but it’s muffled I feel like you live in a world surrounded by a membraneous shield. Where you can see me, but you are still healing. Your eyes are new and I am just outside.
Talking about you feels like the first bite of a Godiva chocolate, it keeps you alive, keeps you close. Remembering the details is like an ice cold drink on a hot day. Whenever I laugh it reminds me so much of you.
I made you promises, and they kept me honest. You have taught me more in the past 5 years than I ever hoped to know.
You have helped me to live my life better, you are an experience of my soul.
Thank you for that. 

[ t i m e ]
I figured it was about time for me to write something insightful. Much to my dismay I discovered this month that my favorite promoters, the ones who made Toronto what it is today, are having some problems keeping things going. Perhaps due to funds and whatnot or the changes brought about in the scene. Dismay? Their dedication to the cause through the years to keeping the scene here brilliant, brings tears to my eyes….How will the loss of such a groundbreaking company affect Toronto? Syrous. This all made me think, debate, ponder. What can I do? I feel as if the ship is going down and I am the only one bailing out the water….with my hands. Everyone else seems to be just standing around picking lint off of their clothes. For the first time in a long time, the future of things here seems uncertain. I suddenly feel as though all my dedication has been flushed away into the hands of some negative adversary….Although today I received the announcement, that the show will go on. With a 4 year anniversary party in Toronto September 20th. If you are near, or can afford to be in Toronto for that date, the fate of Drum and Bass/Jungle promotion depends upon your existence that night. Perhaps the company will change hands, but will it ever be the same. Deep Blue changed my life. But that’s not really what I want to write about. I want to write about, those lint-pickers that i mentioned earlier. Those ‘passengers’ just standing around enjoying the scenery.I have recently become more worried with the fate of this subculture that we’re a part of. I feel as if i am handing my baby to a pack of wolves. Handing down what we’ve all tried to hard to build to a crowd who could care less about what things are to become. That saddens me for some strange parental reason. Now with the decay of huge organizations like Syrous, due to lack of funds, and support…..What have things become? Taking things back underground seems inevitable, but what are we to lose in the process? With all these thoughts looming in my head, and with my return home, I seem to have a different perspective. I suppose all this time has felt like an investment to me. Maybe what i have invested in is slowly losing it’s value. Yet i am struggling to come out of it all with a profit, as well as to keep things brilliant so that those who come after will be able to profit and learn as well. Maybe i am putting all my eggs in one basket here, but time has never felt so precious as those moments when i have stood face to face with destiny, and felt the music inhabit my soul. I want everyone to feel that. But will they? I suddenly feel like it’s up to me, to make it happen for them to provide the next generation with a wealth of experience to draw from….but is it? when is it time to walk away….for me…not now, not a month from now, not ever. I have had the priveledge of having this music branded forever upon my soul. I will remain with it, continue to invest my time, energy and emotion….but will you?

[ c o n v e r s a t i o n s with the u n i v e r s e ]
Life is presented on this galactic platter for us to live, to paint with. Angels are not mythical creatures. They are advanced souls living in the forth dimension. One full of energy and nothing else. No excuses, explanations, or wrong doing. Just purity. I suppose the second that one becomes coherent in this world, is the second one realizes thier capability. Human destiny. Full of potential, inner nature. It’s really bizarre to think of how little we as a civilization really know about ourselves. Distinction of “us” from “them” has never been a problem, it’s the distinction of oneself that has become viral. Never a dull moment on this planet. Always something to be doing, never usually anything to better humanity. Just something to better one’s place in the universe. Without knowing who the self is that you wish to ‘better’, self exploration becomes selfish. Everyone has that selfish drive within themselves, what varies is the amount which occupies one’s soul. Everyone claiming that they’re working towards something or other. Then taking off into oblivion along with the rest of the world. Life is lessons. Education. That is the secret of the universe. Life is one big school, and like school some students are willing to listen, some distracted, some don’t even understand the concept, and some can’t be swayed away for even a moment. Sometimes some students will require extra help, some enrichment, and so goes life. You know each one, the rarity? The scholar? No. There are plenty of scholars out there. The teacher is the rarity. The teacher that resides deep within oneself. Deep inside the scholar is the teacher. Forever teaching and forever learning. Yin Yang at it’s best. Two parts of the human self.. Teacher and Scholar. Combining to create the soul. The electrically charged force behind each of us. The principle reason why we are, the way we are. No interpretation. It just is. Goes without accessment. And well it should, and so the learning begins as a new soul is created by the powers that be. Thrown together, the map laid out, electrically charged, matched with a container to hold it, and born unto earth in the human body. The new soul has lessons to learn, mistakes to be made, rules to break, just a test run of the new parts. Finally ending with the completion of the first tier of it’s fate. Kindergarten if you will, and if all goes fairly well, graduating to the next level. Level 2 begins, similar, new rules, perfecting some of the lessons already learned and continuing on , until one day the soul has a self realization, self actualization, suddenly all of the souls lessons and days start flooding back. The soul becomes farmilliar, the soul graduates to the next dimension. Sometimes soul’s are “held back” in this school. Not yet ready to realize their journey, coming back to school again and again, until one day reaching true enlightenment and finally the Advanced soul gives back to the Universe what the Universe so selflessly gave to her. This change, this knowledge. This opportunity to become a part of this brilliant universal galactic machine with it’s infinite wisdom and worlds. While the lessons of life on earth continue on somewhere else in space and time. Those who have advanced, create. Bringing different elements to the Universe that never would have existed without their creation. The completion of several sectors and continuation of life and all it represents, spinning on it’s ever widening axis. That is distinction. ………

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Posts

October 1998

It’s cool, crisp, new.

Wrapped up tight in a blanket made of every moment i’ve ever spent with you. 

From tiny eyes i’ve peered dreaming about this feeling. Holding on to the autumn air a little longer than I should.

Counting down, the breaths baptising my mind. 

I’ve come clean to you so many times. 

Bundled up in life, warm hot sips. 

Eyes fluttering into a dream filled sleep 

Where you are near and all is sweet.

Blowing past the cloudy daze 

I feel your voice speaking through this place. 

Making my world go round is the energy sent through me when I transcribe

Our bond to words

Just take me by the hand and love will serve the universe.

Warm and comfortable. 

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Posts

1997

[ e x p a n s i o n ] to see this article as it originally appeared on hyperreal please follow this link

After transcending both, my body and mind recently in the depths and darkness of the deep underground called “rave” . Hearing one man’s words ring out in the dead of night and become my own, after releasing every cell and nerve of my being to the beats and bass. I realized something about this level of existence that we are all sharing. No matter what race, creed, or religion, the ability and power of transcending all of the minor details. It is all about making that choice. It may be different in detail from anyone else’s but essentially it’s the very same decision. To go beyond what’s on this level and accept things as they are and work with them in this dimension. Or to lead a life which works towards some higher place, always just our beyond reach. There is a path. Some of us know the way out of the darkness and some of us get lost in the density. There is always a choice. Everything is a choice. Whether you let something break you, or make you stronger. Whether you add it to your roster of experience or let it take away from you. It is a choice. That remains constant. I want to borrow from perhaps among the most beautiful words ever spoken.. “With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood.” Those words spoken so many yearsago ring true to us today. They can be applied to our scene. They can be applied to ourselves. They can be applied our existence. They must be applied to our future. I believe in the strengh of this generation. I believe that this thing called “rave” should be a direct reflection of life. That it is possible to take “plur” beyond the doors of an event. It all begins with you. The future is uncertain for us. Let’s face it, all predictions, prophecies, and superstitions point toward the end of the world as we know it in a few short years. I too believe that. The world as we know it has to end. It has to change. So is this concept called “raving” and “plur” to be a drug infested epidemic or a model for our future. That it’s time to put aside our differences and focus on what we all have in common. Beyond “rave”. Technology is at the forefront of our generation, the face of global communication is changing. We can make it a global link, take advantage of our techno-babied generation or we can follow in our fore-father’s footsteps and leave another generation lost. Technology too is at the center of our scene, once again a microcosm. Within the scene some of us have already made the choice to transcend out of “rave” and into our everyday world and apply that same philosophy to our lives and begin making a difference. The time has come to realize our futures. I too have a dream……

[beach txt]
Glancing around at everything that makes up me, and I can’t help but wonder how everything fits in. Laying naked I can feel the breeze coming off of the lake, surrounding me like a bubble of emotions, all running high. Writhing around in the sand without you, burying myself in the newness of it.The cold deep sands embrace every inch of me. The earth seems to swallow me up and I look to you to pull me up out of it all. All I can smell is the sweetness of the sea, and the aroma of something cooking down the beach. All of a sudden I’m feeling too drunk, and I see you walking up along the shoreline. I focus in on this approaching figure, and all of a sudden you’re scooping me up and taking me with you. Tasting the very essence of the day, and we live by the ocean. I sometimes get up at night when you are sleeping and plunge myself into it. Feeling my toes anchoring themselves into the eroded soft sands, and I let myself float with the currents. As the moon gently pulls at the tides, I float out to sea. Just thinking of you, while I imagine the curve of the earth, as I just float along through space. Wondering where the tides will take me, and I wash up on the beach, and run into the house. For hours I sat watching the sea, wondering if that’s where I came from. When the sun started to come up I thought of waking you, but then savoured the moment myself. Now i’m back beside you and I smell like sweet salty air. I feel oceanic, and I watch you sleeping for a few minutes from a chair beside the bed before releasing myself to a hot shower washing the sand and salt from my body and hair. I look down and sand fills the bottom of the shower, and reminds me of when I was small. That’s when you appear, and you’re there with me, like always. You’re smiling at me, and I’m smiling back. I suddenly feel like I have wings and I think that my favorite thing in the world has to be when we’re naked together. That’s when I feel closest to the Universe. As if it’s whispering in my ear that all is well…My eyes flutter open and I find myself riding in the car with you. I must have fallen asleep looking out the window. You smile at me, and my heart grins through my chest. What a dream it’s all been….

[ m a c h i n e r y ]
All this terminology eats away at me, Makes me question every thought I have ever had. Gives me answers to things I have never asked. Yet I am here. I am driven. I am life. Breathing these fumes of technology. Hearing the sounds of the grinding gears of universal suspension. Creating images from experiences. Tasting the metallic oneness of harmony in tune with chaos. Giving it all to me, building it up. Packing it down. Tearing it all apart and bringing me back home again. Everything on this ride seems so fast and out of control, but the monotony of it is drilled into my dreams. Travelling but going nowhere. Feeling all of these emotions that I am not even sure exist.Disgusted with my stupidity. All is in front of us, lying exposed on this celestial desktop. All this graphic digitalness reaching deeply into my soul and shaking me with one great fist. Translucent calm central to my soul, supported by a limitless void. Covered, protected by this heavenly body bringing all things to attention. Inevitably. Yet this all surrounds me, penetrates every cell of everything, and moves me. Effortlessly it grabs hold of me and sways me to it’s atmospheric drum. Giving to me everything I lacked, using everything I had. This is it. This is the inevitable,now is time to MOVE.

[ t e c h n o s h a m a n i s m ]
Technoshamanism is not just for dj’s, and the creators of the music our scene is based around, it’s for all of us who are taken to another level through this technological society. It’s the idea of leaving your body and entering the sprit world through in this case techno, drum and bass, rave etc…..But by applying the same philosophy to our everyday lives we may be able to transcribe the technoshamanism beyond musik and our subculture. Interestingly enough, technoshamanism, zen buddhism, taoism and paganism (all basically philosophies based in and around the way of the universe and nature) are all ties together, therefore “ravers” members of this subculture should be taking the time to realize the quantum physics that exist within raving. Within going back to our tribal roots in this digitally techno oriented society. By tying ourselves to the shamanic nomadic route in ancient societies we can see the similarities. The Shamen of old, were said to enter the spirit world sometimes through the use of psychoactive drugs and sometimes through deep meditation, and chanting, singing and dance…… can we see any resemblances between this ancient sect and this new subculture…..We have done something that no generation in recent society has ever done before, it’s time to realize exactly what is happening, it’s anthropology at it’s best. It’s not “hey let’s get messed up” and if it is, that’s where the problem has began….. So is this digital world supplying this generation with a new religion?? :} We have created and upheld this modern primitive movement, It’s interesting that everyone is trying so hard to keep it underground. We are protective of what we have created. As well we should be. But it’s come time to clarify WHAT we are, WHAT it all really means, and expand it, we together can change the face of humanity and make the world of the future a much better placeRave is a sign of this generation making a connection, the uniting of past and future. The rave is ‘primitive,’ with its gathering of ‘tribes’ of young. We have a basis in quantum physics. It is time to accept the digital elements of our scene and accept our fate. Something that some have left behind, something that some of us need to teach the new members of our tribe. ~-+=EXPAND YOUR MIND, EXPLORE YOUR SOUL

[ h o p e ]
Taking away everything that complicates things, starting all over from the beginning, and snatching up whatever information you find in your path. Living for life and discovering one’s true purpose on this planet. It’s all become so much more than glancing in the direction of some silly highschool existence. Each section ends with each day, and the ability to renew oneself is mindblowing. What connection does one hold with the universal alignment of things? Where does that feeling of utter worship and spine tingling mesmerizing thought really evolve from? Nothing in the world can reproduce that moment, that second where you know that no matter what happens “Everything will be alright” “i am going to be okay”. Today has been a hard day for me, this is the anniversary of the day my life changed forever. This is the anniversary of when things were different. When things weren’t so thought provoking….So now that i have taken away everything that once stood in my path, now that all the things that held me back have been disposed of. And now standing alone at the edge of this abyss, i have nothing to loose. I have myself. I am free of all dependencies. No one and nothing. I was thinking the other day about my life, and how it may appear to someone if they were reading it as a novel. Would it be romance? adventure? tragedy? thriller? new age? i realized it would be all of that. Each little aspect crammed into the pages of a pretty exciting novel. I seem to be free from everything, but wants. I still want and need. Two things which i never really will be free of. Looking around at the people who surround my galaxy i see one common trait. Hope. This realization, that just like pandora’s box, we hold hope. Hope for the future, hope for ourselves, and hope for the next generation. Sometimes my heart hurts, I wonder why things have unravelled the way that they have. Sometimes my eyes well up with tears at the strangest moments, like sitting comfortably at a party and suddenly feeling this overwhelming grief. Fears of one day drowning in my own tears….Hope taps me on the shoulder sometimes…..just to remind me that she’s there, then there is a moment when i look up at the stars and realize that there is so much more to life than this. That one day the pain in my heart will subside, that the tears in my eyes will dry, and the lump that is ever present in the back of my throat will fade. Hope. Or maybe it’s just the fact that I have healed so many people, and no one has healed me. So there is hope for the future or finding the way out of the darkness and joining the people in the daylight. Hope of becoming eternal and completely free of what binds me. Listen to hope. Sometimes she calls out in the faintest of voices, she tugs gently at your sleeve, or her breath brushes your cheek in the slightest way. But she’s there. Never forget her.

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Posts

1995

[ Perspective ]
Perspective is a curious thing. One moment you can be positive you know all there is to know about something, anything, and the next moment a tiny detail has the power to throw that whole universe of thought off its axis. In all of life’s brilliant mysteries there’s that one piece of everything that makes you comfortable. The movement of the clouds, the tick of a clock, the air in your lungs, the millions of stars out there. That tiny piece of sky that makes it okay, not be asking constant questions. The incredible discoveries lurking just around the next corner…. That sweetest detail, when all is right. Like a perfect symphony of sounds and thoughts all at once. All contrived in the heat of the moment, and the burning pulse of one second in your life. The film rolls on as it always has, the moon continues to pull at the oceans, and the steady beat inside your chest drives it all forward. Like coming home again after an extended abscence. That revelation that we’re all spinning in the bigger piece of it all helping you to let all the moments rush back by your eyes like movies. Almost like a warm hug of wine dancing through the entire system, and it’s all okay forever. Coming back out of the tunnel in somewhere new, and great and different, not so much later. With the grain, we all flow through the river of experience, changing direction, with perspective.

[ Era ]
Life, and all that it has to offer can sometimes be overwhelming. The deluge of information, events, experiences, desires, and needs can sometimes lead one to withdraw, to be reactionary instead of responsive. In an overwhelmed state, we find it easier to lash out than to REACH out. Sometimes seeming to define one’s world through the filters of criticism and cynicism (for one’s self as well as others) instead encouragement and praise (again for one’s self as well as others) And through this flood it is sometimes forgotten that we, within ourselves have the power and means to TRANSCEND the deluge, to shape our own world to be able to channel the unrelenting force into constructive avenues that can nurture the world around us, instead of destroy it… Little do we realize that at times, the first to bear the brunt of the destructive energy that we sometimes harness, are our own souls. It is through DANCE that I have found TRANSCENDENCE. Music has taught me how to fly using wings i never knew i had. Lifting me above the seemingly relentless tides of time and change. It is through music and Dance that my soul is free to soar amongst the heavens and inner dimensions, allowing a clearer view into the nature of the world that i am creating around me (allowing a clearer view of us) It is there that i am able to discern the path to consciousness, that seemingly elusive inner light which is often dimmed by the trials we face on a daily basis. For now, the light is there for me, the path illuminated. I shall follow it again….We stand together at the threshold of a new era. A new range of dimensions and possibilities. I invite you all to take my hand and join me as we move forward to dance brothers and sisters, dance….

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Posts

1994

[ Microcosm ]
I was thinking last night, i was thinking about *rave*, *Plur*, *the scene* whatever you want to call it. I speak not of the *party* but the mentality. The mentality of this technology driven generation that we live in…..I suppose that is the real *techno*. This generation which has created a safe haven for itself within Plur, within *rave* within Music. The generation which has gone back to its tribal roots. Back into the jungle if you will. ( We all know about my fascination with the *jungle*) My question…what is going to become of us? Some of us are already trying. working to make a difference in this wild world, but some of us are stuck. Some of this techno-babied generation is caught in a horrible web. Instead of helping ourselves we hinder ourselves. Pumping our bodies full of impurities and hurting these amazing machines we have been given. Preach i will not. Those of you who receive my monthly writings know well how I feel. Be careful. I am proud to be a part of such an amazing new world. Never before has the earth seen such production, communication, technology, and population. In so many years we will be running this great planet, can we break out of this *microcosm* called the *rave* and bring the beautiful mentality of this generation with us into our future. Each of us has spoken about the importance of survival, the survival and revival of our *scene*. Let’s not simply *revive* it, let’s repair it. Repair ourselves. THINK. Think about all that lies ahead of us. Eliminate the synthetic ecstasy and restore the real thing.

[Beyond Rave ]
Where it all begins is where we let it. The whole “rave” mentality is respectable, you enter the rave and you become enthralled by the vibe. It grabs you, Been dancing up a storm all evening, trippin like crazy, looking into the eyes of everyone and seeing outrageous things, suddenly the music grows more intense, more intense, like these thick syrupy thuds and smacks growing faster and faster, it’s the sound of the insides of a body making love, it’s the sounds of a heartbeat roaring in my chest as I am jerked about by powers beyond my control, I am liquid, I feel as if I have transcended in my musical tastes and I have reached musical enlightenment through my savior , the throbbing bass which penetrates my thirsty ears . The beat that sends me into a frenzy when it bounces off of my ear drums…..I have said I will never cheat ….but when the bass ascends from the speaker it penetrates me harder than any human ever could….the jungle moves through my very soul. a gut feeling of all living things all over the world that only we humans have forgotten, it’s strong, pounding, incredible with this slowly rising roaring howling sound, getting louder and louder and we stare into the lights which flash at us, seeing their intent, it overwhelms us, there is only the deafening sound and energy now, every centimeter of skin in my body electrocuted in a state of insane radiant LIVING, each cell screaming at the top of it’s lungs I DON’T WANT TO DIE I AM ALIVE and the roar grows louder and louder, I look at his face and say “WHAT IS HAPPENING?” and tears are running down my cheeks and his too, we’re holding on to one another for dear life, the music isn’t even recognizable anymore and our bodies are buzzing too strong and loose to know what we’re doing, suddenly we realize there is something here, the power of all of us, the tribe gathered inside this microcosm of love and respect and peace, ! it is here, pointing in our faces, it is the head of a monster dragon roaring at us how DARE we forget what we are? We are all, thousands of us, howling with it in recognition and our insides are coming out and everyone sees. The passion is so intense there is no room for identity or time or memory, it lasts forever and in all directions in an indescribable manner! everything is so visceral and surreal it’s horrifying and ecstatic at the same time. And then the emotion washes past and the noise screeches forwards and the crowd of all of us tear after it as the fastest drums the world have ever seen come back to kick us back into action, all holding hands and locking eyes now, all dancing and crying and smiling smiles which never occur in the normal world – smiles so alive and hungry that we know then it is all just beginning forever! It is so draining that occasionally our legs give way and we have to hold on to one another to stay up, catch our breaths a little or go to a room where water can be got, hard to find our way in the electric emotion of the place but we do. We are lighter than air, energy radiated from the hidden reactors modern life keeps on chill-mode all day. Hours later I am finding myself on a floor still awake with all of them lying down now and what world are we in? The sun is coming up, onto the lake, I am thankful, for everything, for all of them. Not for those who struggle with what it is about, but those who know, who feel it, who have defined it themselves. a fresh new day and my muscles are tingling, my head buzzing, my body draped over his and hi s over mine….So I ask…Does the “commercialism” matter, can’t we accept the fact that they will never feel what we truly feel, we are a modern tribe. In the technological world. “They” have opened Pandora’s box, it’s for us to keep the hope inside. Live Beyond the Rave, PLUR+ H , hope.