When you grow up in trauma & you don’t heal it, you will choose trauma until you do.

Art by the Amazing Lori Menna @ Cosmic Collage

I chose men who abused me over the men who loved me. 
I chose friends who didn’t care about me over those who did.
I chose protecting people I shouldn’t, because that was what I was trained to do.
I chose pain over peace.
I chose substances and alcohol over being present.
Etc. Etc. Etc.

Then, one day –  something changed and I chose me and every day since that’s how it’s worked.

One day at a time. One foot in front of the other.

As I walked the path – I realized the common denominator in all of my pain was me. I realized I had been carrying around layers of trauma, I  realized losing my best friend took part of my soul, I realized my relationship with my father had never been appropriate, and I realized I couldn’t ever remember a time where I felt truly safe. 

I realized I’d spent my life running and building this false wall of popularity, addiction, manipulation and lies that could protect me from what was I was carrying inside of me. 

Layer by layer, bit by bit I did and am continuing to do the work (that’s why it’s called a healing journey, because it is).  I’m learning. I’ve faced my truths. I’ve unpacked it. I’ve sought justice, and mostly I’ve gotten it. I ’ve evicted the abuser archetype from my life and most importantly from my own head. I have set down addiction and enjoy sobriety. I accepted my PTSD. I stopped running. Now I try to be of service to help other people walk through the darkness and into the light. It’s our right. We don’t need to live in the dark. 

It’s the greatest work of my life to be able to see people just like me, find out that isn’t a life. It’s a construct and a cage that trauma puts us in. We can free ourselves from past bondage. We can live in harmony and glide more easily through the waves in the flow of life –  (smooth sailing isn’t life on earth – it’s about being in the right kayak). 

We can heal. You are NEVER too broken  to be fixed. You are not what happened to you. You are a light. Your power is your story and your story is your power.

Hang in there. We got this – the best part is when you heal yourself, we heal the world. When you are in balance, so becomes your relationship with the world around you.

When you’re ready. I’m ready.

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