[ t e a c h e r ]
There has been an anniversary in my life….I let it go by without celebration, forgetting it, not having written it on a calendar. It goes beyond the numbers written within the grid of a calendar, beyond the understanding of anyone but myself. It is something that can only be measured by what i’ve learned. 7 years, of learning, or lessons, of change….. 7 years ago was when i first experienced a rave. 7 years of my life, i have contributed to my scene. Growing, thriving, alive and well in Toronto. After coming to the realization that i helped to build this. I helped to make it what it is today. United in dance. Strong and Massive, the older generations taking a moment to show the younger fledgelings how it’s done. Standing proud over the Toronto waterfront shouting at the world to stop and to listen. To really listen, to hear everything. To hear the words of the Technoshaman whispering into your ear, speaking to your existence, filling the void. Something which i believe many of the new generation of “ravers” have neglected to do. To take a second between doses and listen. Just stop and contemplate for a moment what brought you to this. It is no coincidence that you read this, it is no coincidence that this is what you were drawn to. Make the most of it, and realize….WHY you are here, and WHAT you can give it. What do you have, what can you provide to this world that no one else can. Look around you, look to the person beside you at these Tribal Gatherings and question everything. Think about the past, and why these “raves” began, who started them, look for once with respect for those who came before you in efforts to create something more powerful for generations to come. To be honest, the feelings i once had for the scene have subsided somewhat, i look to the fledglings with distrust and disbelief.I now wish for the first time in 7 years to be disassociated with what things have become. Things here are good, here i feel respect. When i travel i cringe. I cringe at the feeble interpretation of things. No contributions are made, the tribe simply walks away….So i guess i ask….to be proven wrong. For awhile i believed things could be revived, now i think they will have to be rebuilt. Taken back underground for repairs. I will never forget 7 years ago when i stood in front of the decks and watched with adoration and amazement of what was taking place in front of me. When i looked around with glazed eyes at the people around me smiling, waving, shouting back at the dj, to give them some more. Hearing the thuds deep inside my head, feeling the catharsis of a tribe giving thanks and a dj making love to his crowd. (the live p.a is a whole other galaxy) Looking to the stranger beside me and in one meeting of the eyes becoming family….Where has that gone? It’s synthetic sister is present, through the epidemic of ecstasy, but the real thing seems to have seeped through the scene. Bring it back. Bring back the moments where you entered your first gathering, and looked around with wide-eyed wonder, the time when you never wanted to stop talking about how it had the power to change the world, to change the way people think. Let your mind go back in time to when you first felt that ancient heavenly connection by looking into a stranger’s eyes, Think back to what it felt like to first feel the dj inside your mind, penetrating your thoughts, paralyzing your body and taking control of it himself, and ripping open your senses making you ask if you could ever really hear , see, or feel before now? Where did all of that go? If you’re still feeling it, make it last, if you’ve stopped feeling it , bring it back, and if you’ve never felt it expand your mind, explore your soul, it’s there. The summer is upon us, make it brilliant……
[ p r o p o s a l ]
I am in a beautiful relationship. I want to propose but it’s beyond words. It never argues. It never expects. It never questions. It is omnipotent and omniscient. It makes me feel like the most beautiful person in the world. It holds me when i need to be held, and often rocks me to sleep. It is the most fulfilling relationship i’ve ever had. It is music. There was a point when i became confused, when i believed it was the “rave” that i was so in love with….But music came through it all and stood blatantly in front of me, chanting my name. Recognizing my spirit, and holding my heart in it’s loving, soothing hands. Bringing me deeper into myself than i’d ever dreamt of going. Taking me somewhere no human being ever has. Knowing my soul, and grinding itself into me, screaming into my ear. That it was there. It would always be there. No matter where i travel, what i leave behind, where life’s path takes me. Whatever destiny throws onto my plate….It is there. A piece of me, like the greatest friend in the world. That any emotion it made me feel was acceptable, that the thumping would always be branded onto my soul. That the beat the speakers send venture like armies into my ears, invading every cell of my being, just to make me feel. I realize how in love i am. I realize that music will heal me. I know that when i am deep in the throes of my own head, there will never be silence. That no matter what happens there will always be music. That the “rave” is simply a gathering which is meant to unite, all of us who are significant others, all of us who are the wives, and husbands, of this force called “music”. I look with wide-eyed wonder to those who create my marriages, to those who make it all possible. To realize that their human destiny on this planet is to create, and channel the wisdom of the universe in musical form. Just a thank you….This generation, has the power to change the way things are. This generation of “ravers” “party-goers” etc etc…..has the knowledge to be in love with not only music, but the world. To change the face of not only music, but civilization. I may be putting to much faith in this concept. Maybe that’s all it is to some people. I have chosen for it to be more, for it to mean more. For it to be a direct representation of life, and love and human potential. I am in love. With ideas, with music, with people. To realize, is to begin to understand. Don’t wait for the realization to catch up with you, catch up with it.
[ t o u c h d o w n ]
Like the hand of God on the Sistine chapel it touches down without even a flaw. Beginning to spin like some new formed planet. Life is magic, and I suddenly feel drunk with the spin of things in front of me. The needle seems to retrace every groove with effortless action, and I become jealous of the vinyl’s fateful connection. The sheer discovery of it sends my mind racing and the rotations are hypnotic. Tracing over and over again, the detailed grooves that become a part of me so quickly. Moving at lightspeed through my ears and eyes and soul. I feel this new found friend already at home deep inside my mind. The light thrown across the tiny bottomless crevices has already managed to burn a pattern onto my straining eyes. Clinging to every cell of my being, every inch of my soul, I want to feel like this forever. It’s inside me. The music has pounded it’s way into me, deep into the heavy ventricles of my heart. Carving pathways as it wades it’s way through me like a saintly river. My eyes have become animated reflecting pools for the sounds invading the cells deep within me. The images are coming to me like flash cards and I feel the heat of the imaginary sun trace over me. I am etched into the moment. I realize how lucky I am to be hearing this, and it seems like the very first time. Each sound triggers a memory that’s yet to be had, flashing forward into an overlapping space and time. A face becomes apparent in the grooves as the bass drains what energy I have left, and then forces me back into action. I close my eyes and everything moves a bit faster as they reopen. I throw my arms into the air and shout in time with the heavens. I can feel every surge, every beat of electricity all contained within my soul charging it’s way into the future. Like some insurmountable obstacle I am here forever, holding on trying not to let it all overcome me. But I am no match, and I am overcome, it’s all I can do to hold on. Looking straight into the face of the Universe with pure, and utter wonder. I feel the infinite blackness of space, and shiny luminence of star envelope me, and i am kissed full on the mouth….but a new sound comes in and I feel the rush of water all around me. Running over me like waves, throwing me back, yet the comforting tantric rhythms make me beg for more. I am but a looking glass, and the next piece of the puzzle kicks me into action. As the world swings like a giant pendulum the theme song for my life has been written, with the great tribal smack of a drum. It beats with my heart and I suddenly feel like no one is qualified to drive this moment, like the music can. Like some kind of collosal interplanetary diamond it is all brilliantly flawless and nothing could be better or bigger. I’m being pushed toward the next plain, as it all builds, there is no end in sight. Ascension is imminent. Life bleeds nothing but wonder forever…..The entire stucture and strategy of it all drives me now and this composition is the sister of the Universe. Humanity has never seemed so lovely, and inevitably as the track winds to a stop I can hear the faint whisper of destiny’s voice from beside my bed….
[ m i l l e n n i u m ]
As this time approached I realized how long some of you have been a part of my life, and how some of you have just become a part of it. I am grateful for all of you after almost 5 years of publishing this website. I have met such wonderful people and learned so much through the years. I can’t believe now that I am writing the fifth consecutive email for a new year. Yet of all the things i’ve said I couldn’t mean any of it more than I do now. I have decided to write some new thoughts and to contain some old ones. I still can’t believe that what began the link with us was music, and a common community. Though over the years my views have grown and changed I still marvel at what this is that we are a part of….Below is the 1996 holiday email. I have contained it in it’s entirity because it is, after 3 years what I would say again. Life, and all that it has to offer can sometimes be overwhelming. The deluge of information, events, experiences, desires, and needs can sometimes lead one to withdraw, to be reactionary instead of responsive. In an overwhelmed state, we find it easier to lash out than to out. Sometimes seeming to define one’s world through the filters of criticism and cynicism (for one’s self as well as others) instead encouragement and praise (again for one’s self as well as others) And through this flood it is sometimes forgotten that we, within ourselves have the power and means to TRANSCEND the deluge, to shape our own world to be able to channel the unrelenting force into constructive avenues that can nurture the world around us, instead of destroy it… Little do we realize that at times, the first to bear the brunt of the destructive energy that we sometimes harness, are our own souls.
It is through that I have found Music has taught me how to fly using wings i never knew i had. Lifting me above the seemingly relentless tides of time and change. It is through music and dance that my soul is free to soar amongst the heavens and inner dimensions, allowing a clearer view into the nature of the world that i am creating around me (allowing a clearer view of us) It is there that i am able to discern the path to consciousness, that seemingly elusive inner light which is often dimmed by the trials we face on a daily basis. For now, the light is there for me, the path illuminated. I shall follow it again…. We stand together at the threshold of a new era. A new range of dimensions and possiblities. I invite you all to take my hand and join me as we move forward to dance brothers and sisters, dance…. We truly do stand together now at the beginning of something that few generations will ever live to see. A new millennium. Yet this time we are at a place that we will never be again, crossing the bridge from the primitive past to the third wave of the future. Advancement is in our hands and we will see the beginning and middle of this new century. Yet, how will we decide to proceed? I hope it will be with honesty, curiousity and unity. When the walls of what we are now a part of cease to be in conventional terms I hope that all of us may continue to wonder about where it is that we come from. Pondering the status of space and time, and questioning the origins of ourselves as well as the world and universe which we live. To borrow a statement from Derrick May, we have no choice but to move forward. The world is changing, and we are changing. We have this rare chance to sculpt the way that the world will become, with our own hands and minds. It is incredible as I write this knowing that you are spread out all over the world. And with these words I am able to reach out across geographic lines and wish you all joy, peace, wonder, health and happiness for the new year. Take care of yourselves and may this holiday be the most transcendental yet. Thank you,